I am a terrible blogger.

I couldn't tell you how many times I have started a blog with the intentions of updating it more than once a month. Or even as often as I get my hair cut (which is no more than 3 times per year!). However, this past weekend is totally blog-worthy. Nick and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary on Saturday. He planned out the entire day and completely surprised me. After waking up to fresh red roses and a pumpkin muffin from St. Louis Bread Co, we headed out to the Missouri Botanical Garden, where he planned to set up a romantic picnic for the two of us in the garden. As soon as we got inside, we found that they don't allow food in the actual garden area. Kind of a bummer, but we set up under a gigantic shady tree just outside, and it was just as lovely. We talked, feasted on turkey sandwiches and baked lays, and enjoyed each others company. Unfortunately we sort of rushed through lunch, hoping it wouldn't start to pour rain on us before we were done eating. Thankfully the rain held off for a while, and it was really only a light sprinkle. We walked around the garden for a couple of hours, and it was beautiful! I had never been there before so it was perfect. There were a few wedding parties that we came across and I had to empathize with them. Even though it is a gorgeous location, I must say that I could not deal with the stress of the possible threat of rain and storms on my outdoor wedding.

Here we are in front of the water fountain

When we started running out of energy, we came home and rested before we went to dinner, which was also a surprise. I was ecstatic when we arrived at Maggiano's, which has turned out to be my new favorite Italian restaurant. The dinner was amazing and so was the service. After dinner, our waiter brought us this lovely, complimentary plate of soft lemon cookies to wish us a happy anniversary. Then we exchanged gifts. I was absolutely shocked when I opened mine to find a gorgeous diamond bracelet. It's so pretty and I love it! Nick loved his gift as well, which was a small custom-made canvas with our picture and a nice, heartfelt saying that I love.

It was the perfect day. I have most definitely won the boyfriend lottery.

...I have amazing parents.

Within the last couple of days, I have taken quite a few trips down memory lane by watching many of the old VHS tapes we have laying around the house.  They've been collecting dust since about 2003 when my dad invested in a Sony DV Camcorder.  At first I just wanted to watch them, but I got to thinking that it was as good a time as any to translate them to a digital format.  I struggled for two hours trying to configure all of the crap the other night.  The sad thing is, I consider myself to be pretty savvy when it comes to computers and technology.  I finally gave in and consulted my good old friend, Google.  Of course, once I found out how simple it really was, I immediately felt like an idiot.  So, minutes later, I was importing my first VHS tape into my computer.


I spent the rest of the night playing through half a dozen tapes.  It was the first time in years that I had seen most of them.  Still photos are amazing and they rank highest on my most prized possessions list, but for me, seeing a video of something makes for a totally different experience.  Within the first minute of watching one of my orchestra concerts from 7th grade, I instantly began to experience some of the same emotions I felt on that night.  It was absolutely crazy, and I am beginning to understand where my passion for videography may come from.  I don't like to "live in the past" so to speak, but once I popped that first VHS into the VCR, I literally couldn't stop myself from watching "just one more".  Before I knew it, I was looking at the clock and thinking "3:00 a.m.?! It can't possibly be 3:00 a.m.!!"


Watching these tapes has made me realize so many things, but the most important is that I have amazing parents.  My dad lugged around a 10 pound video camera to 95% of my brother and I's concerts and ceremonies, and held it steady during those events for at least an hour each (with a bad back).  My mom took on the role of a photographer, always making sure to grab her camera no matter how late we were running.  I can't help but wonder if they even got the chance to enjoy what they were capturing, but I am extremely grateful nonetheless.  It is because of them that I will (hopefully) get to look back on those times for the rest of my life.  Those videos will be there to show to my children when they're older, and are the very things that I wish I could see and have from my own parents' childhoods.  The connections I feel watching these videos are incredible.

What makes you feel most connected to your past?  Feel free to share your thoughts!

...I'm tired of rude people.

We've all seen them in action.   They cut you off in traffic with no warning, bump into you in the grocery store without so much as a look of apology, and talk on their cell phone as if they're the only person in an overcrowded book store.   I have always been one to give a rude person the benefit of the doubt.   The person who cut me off must have had an emergency.  The teenager behind the food counter is texting on their phone instead of taking my order because his dog just died.  In reality, they are most likely just rude, thoughtless people.   It amazes me how many people are this way.   It has gotten so bad, instead of expecting people to have good manners, I am actually shocked when someone does.  Most of the time I do something nice for someone, I don't even get a "thank you".

Having to deal with rude strangers is one thing, but what about the rude people you have to interact with on a regular basis?  I have found myself to be in this situation for a better part of the past six months, and it has been anything but fun.  I've consistently experienced glaring, sarcastic comments, and an overall feeling of being unwelcome when I'm around this person.  I walk on eggshells to avoid saying the wrong thing.  I am kind, well-mannered, and supportive, even though I rarely get any of that in return.  The bottom line is, I get along with pretty much everyone.  I treat everyone with dignity and respect because I believe every person deserves those two things, at the very least.  There is no justification for the way I'm being treated, and it is 10x worse coming from someone I want to be close to.  It has become so painful for me these days, I almost wish I could avoid this person altogether.  It's upsetting and the truth is, I'm more than tired of it.  I am tired of wondering where I have gone wrong.  I have asked, and despite being told "all is fine", it is extremely obvious that all is not.  If someone can't acknowledge there is a problem, how do they expect it to be fixed?   I am more than willing to work on whatever the problem may be, but with two parties involved, fixing things single-handedly is just not an option.

Life Law #4: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.

How have you handled rude people?  Share your story.

...hiding your feelings only hurts yourself.

Everyone we know has flaws, and this is just one of mine.  Throughout most of my teen years and adult life so far, I have given in to this terrible habit I have just about every day.   I hide my true feelings.   I say "hide" and not lie, because the reason for it is to keep from hurting someone.  I have always been a protector, and I'm sure that won't change.  What caused me to do this?  Was there a specific instance which made me say to myself, "I can never tell people how I really feel again"?   The answer is simply no, but lately, I've realized it's not okay to hide what I feel anymore.   I'm finally getting to the point in my life where I'm worrying less about what other people think and more about what I think.  With that said, I'm not writing this so much for entertainment, as much as I am to help myself get my true feelings out there.  It has usually been easier for me to write them rather than say them, so I will do that for now, even though I hope to change that in the future.   Feel free to give me feedback, but I'm really just doing this for myself.   It's not my goal to start controversies, I don't expect sympathy, and most of all, I don't want to hurt anyone.  But it's time to stop hurting myself.

Do you hide your feelings from the world?  Tell me about it.